10 Questions to Ask Prior to Marriage

Since I wrote a post about all the things that shouldn't be on your list, I thought I should also share my thoughts on what does need to be put on your list. Some of these questions can be asked before entering a relationship, but many times you will need to get to know a guy better before being able to answer them. These are just some simple (but still deep!) questions that I think are very important to ask yourself before saying yes to your prince.

1. Is he saved? He must be a Christian and love God. Besides the obvious dangers of being unequally yoked, it is important that he has a heart that wants to follow to Lord. If you are both focused on Christ you'll have a much better relationship.

2. Do I trust him? You must equally trust each other 100%. Without trust, a relationship will crumble. It's important to begin a marriage on the right foot, and that means entire trust for each other, in every area.

3. Am I comfortable and able to be myself around him? You need to be comfortable and at ease with each other. So important, but somehow forgotten too often. Life isn't a big fancy date, sadly! Spend time with each other on a daily basis and make sure you are compatible doing even the most mundane of chores. You'll be spending a lot of your married life doing normal things together, so it's important you still like each other without the roses and candles present!

4. Does he respect me? He must respect you and treat you right. Just because wives are to be submissive, that doesn't mean you should be treated like a doormat. It's important that you can openly discuss things with equal respect for each other. He needs to respect your opinion and feelings as a grown woman. Just because he makes final decisions doesn't mean he should bulldoze either. He is supposed to be your husband, not a dictator. I think respect is high on the list when considering marriage. Don't marry a bully.

5. Can we agree on things? You need to be able to come to agreement on important matters. If it means coming to a compromise, or agreeing to disagree in some cases (without resentment or other aftereffects). Talk about all of the important things before marriage and you'll escape some misunderstandings and arguments afterwards.

6. Are we a team, can we work together? It's important that you're both on the same page. (This kind of ties in closely with the point above!) You want 3 kids maximum, and he wants at least 8. You want to start a family right away, but he wants to wait awhile. You expect one thing, while he is off planning something else. You can easily see how this could cause some pretty serious problems later on! It's important that you stand together as a couple, with similar goals and plans for the future. So don't just talk about the here and now, talk about the future! Sure, plans change, people change, the future is full of surprises! But it's a good idea to start off a marriage with both of you on the same page.

7. How do our families feel? (This might not apply to everyone depending on your situation. If not your family, then consider asking someone else you highly respect, such as a friend, or pastor.) Many times others can see things that you can't. Ask for an honest opinion on your relationship and be open to what they have to say. They probably have some good insight and advice to give you.

8. Do I desire him? (And opposite!) So important! Many times I've seen christians (especially girls) get too wrapped up in making sure all their boxes are checked but totally forget about attraction. You'll be with this guy for the rest of your life. He needs to be the one to put butterflies in your stomach girl! Attraction could be that one thing that keeps you coming back to each other when you are failing in every other area. It is important you feel desire and attraction towards him.

9. Is this what God wants? Obviously so important! Take time to search your heart and spend time with The Lord to decide whether it is God's will or not. Ask Him to show you if it is His will, and wait for the answer. Open your heart to the Holy Spirit and ask for discernment in your relationship!

10. Is this what I want? You know what, it really is important whether or not it is what you want! I think it is extremely disrespectful of your significant others feelings, if you say yes without being 100% sure that this is what you want. You should never feel rushed or forced to settle for less. Search your heart and try to decide is this relationship is what YOU want for the rest of your life! Ask yourself, "am I happy? Truly, 110% happy?" If there are issues bugging you, or something specific tugging at your conscience, don't keep it inside. It's important to express your concerns, and talk everything out. When you go down the aisle, you need to have perfect peace in your heart, and know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the person you want to marry!

Like I said in the beginning, these are just a few points that came to mind. They aren't in any special order and I'm sure I left a lot of important stuff out! If you are in a relationship feel free to leave your thoughts and extra points in the comments below! I will edit this post later on to add any good points you guys bring up. :-)

Love always,
Arielle

Springtime Fashion {Mommy Friendly!}

I thought I'd do a quick post with some springtime fashion sets I've recently made on Polyvore. :-) These are all breastfeeding friendly, since I'm still nursing Maria. I tried to make them all practical for moms like me to wear every day. :-) Of course if you aren't a mom, these are still adorable outfits you can still wear! Let me know which ones are your favorites! XO, Arielle

Green is the color of the year and I think it's beautiful! This maxi outfit looks comfy and cool, add some  basic accessories in black, silver, and white and you are good to go!

I practically live in my skinny jeans, and I love tee shirts...who says you can't pair them with cutesy flats and pearls? Love that statement necklace, not sure if it would last with Maria, but it looks lovely. ^_^

Knit dresses are by far my favorite kind! They don't wrinkle and are great to layer with. And that cute iPhone case is reminding me I still have a plain black one....I need to look for something a little more pretty!

More skinnies? Sure, why not! I'm in love with this top, it is the perfect floral piece to jazz up your wardrobe. Loving the leather bag, it looks big enough to share with the baby!

One Of Those Days

Today has been one of those days. I'm in so much pain, it's constant and too much to ignore anymore. I've tried everything to distract myself, nothing is working. I wince as I stir the sugar into my cup of tea. The slight movement sends sharp, hot, pains all the way up to my shoulder and neck. I reach to grab my phone and nearly drop it, my grip is almost none existent right now. It wouldn't be the first time I've dropped something today. I can manage larger objects better, but when it come to small things like cups, eating utensils, baby toys, paper, pens, keys, the salt shaker, etc. I'm all thumbs. Scrolling through the emails on my phone takes twice as long as usual, movements that should be fluid feel awkward and stiff. I had to eat dinner with my left hand tonight, my right is too shaky and painful today.

I'm actually pretty good at doing things with my opposite hand now, I've had 5 years of practice! I can even give my signature or write out a grocery list with my left hand. If I'm in a flare, my right hand/wrist is usually the worse of all my joints, maybe because it was the first joint to show signs of RA. I remember the first time I couldn't hold onto a pencil anymore. I always used to do word search or sudoku puzzles when I was having a bad day, then one day I couldn't physically pick up my pencil. I didn't have the strength or flexibility. I sat on my moms bed and cried my eyes out. Because I couldn't do a word puzzle. It was such a small thing, but it was all I had left. I had already given up everything else I used to do in my spare time. It really hit me right then how unfair my life was going to be. I couldn't even hold a pencil. How was I going to be able to accomplish anything in my future?

I have come a long ways since that day I cried on my moms bed. My body has had it's ups and downs, good times, and bad times. I have been able to do things I never thought I could. I've been able to make memories, precious memories, of things I will most likely never be able to do again. I've learned to be thankful and grateful for each small blessing in my life. I might not be able to hold my cup of tea, but I have a husband who makes me laugh. I might not be able to do that crossword puzzle, but I can still enjoy the sunset outside my window. Living with RA is unfair many times, but I've learned that my life could always be worse. I'm thankful that I only have one autoimmune disease so far, I'm thankful I can still walk, even if it is painful sometimes. I'm thankful God gave me a baby girl, even if I cry picking her up at night. 

People always ask me, "how do you stay strong?" And I think I finally found the answer. It's because I find strength by counting my blessings. Oh, believe me, I allow myself pity parties and a good cry once in awhile. But eventually I pick myself up, take a look around, and start finding all the blessings I've taken for granted. It helps me push through the pain and I know that the sun is going to shine someday. It always does. No matter what, you have to focus on the positive. You can't ignore the harsh reality either, but you have to stay positive! Don't give up, ever. You have a choice to fight and be a surviver, or give in and become the victim. Some days, I'm definitely the victim. And you know what, that is ok. But I want to do so much more than survive, I want to live. God gave me this beautiful life, and even though I might not understand my circumstances, I'm so thankful for every breath I take. When I have days like this, what usually helps me most (besides a good massage, ice cream, and a long cry!) is to write (or just think if I can't hold the pen, haha!) down everything I CAN be thankful for right now. So here is my list for the day.

Today I'm Thankful For

-Maria's beautiful smile!

-the cool, fresh air outside today.

-my online RA support group.

-uplifting music.

-a husband who I look forward to seeing every day!

-getting the Love Dare in the mail today.

-having a sister that understands.

-a compassionate mom. :)

-the hot cup of tea I enjoyed this morning.

-getting a cute Mother's Day card from my sister.

-a bright future!

And of course, I'm thankful for my readers, you guys are the sweetest and really encourage me every day. I'm glad I decided to make this blog all those years ago. It turned out to be a great decision, believe it or not, blogging is one of the only relaxing past times that I have anymore! I enjoy it so much and am grateful for all of the friends I've made! I just want to say thank you for the support and love you've shown me. 

XO,

Arielle 

Family Changes

If you didn't read my last post, Leaving, go and read it now and then come back to this one! Otherwise you might get confused. :)

Our last missionary family photo before I got married. March 2011

My parents are leaving. My family is leaving. My best friends. My closest companions. Those of us left behind all feel the hole in our hearts, things just won't be the same. But God is with us all and I know he will give us the strength we need to get through this change. I'll be ok, I keep telling myself that. And I know I will be. I am a strong person, used to being alone, and we do have a good life here. I need to make the most of it.

My parents are leaving us their house and land here in Romania. I am awed by their generous gesture of love towards my husband and I. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, scared, but blessed by this huge new responsibility. I don't want to fail, I don't want to waste this opportunity and gift we've been given.

It's all so bittersweet. Both families are faced with new beginnings, bright and full of hope. But with that fresh start will come a goodbye, and that is something none of us are trying to think about but all know has to happen.

So forgive me for the scattered blogging that has happened, and will continue on for a little while longer. Things are just crazy around here! We'd appreciate your prayers, we could sure use a few.

Love,
Arielle

Leaving

~ I wasn't able to say anything until my dad officially resigned as a missionary, but in the beginning of April, a family decision was made and my parents will be moving back to the states in the very near future. This is a post written when I first found out they were leaving~

All the family in July 2011, including my older sister & her youngest daughter (in the baby carrier!) who came to visit, along with my two brothers visiting from the states. 

I didn't see it coming. I never thought this day would come. It is so unlike me to not be realistic. I suppose in my mind I just pictured all of us living here forever. It's home. Our home.

My parents are retiring as missionaries and moving back to America. My younger sister, Arianna, has struggled with severe health problems in the past 2 years. She is believed to have rheumatoid arthritis along with fibromyalgia, scoliosis, and an autoimmune spinal inflammatory disease. We've exhausted every option here, seeing doctors from around the country. She continues to worsen and still hasn't gotten any answers or relief. So it's time for them to go.

The thing I always appreciated the most about my dad, is that he puts his family before the ministry. I always knew my dad would sacrifice the ministry a thousand times before he sacrificed us. It was always a comfort, made me feel loved, safe, and gave me the strength I needed to face each new day. He is the best father in the world and I appreciate his example to others on balancing ministry and family. He has done a great work here in Romania, he will be missed so much!

As a family we've been "in the ministry" full time since 2000. The years have flown. I look back with bittersweet memories...mostly glad it's all over. Being a MK (missionary kid) is so crazy hard. People have no idea. The pressures and stress of church politics along with living in a foreign land, it's not for the weak. But through it all my family remained closely knit and I think that is the reason we got through all the crap thrown our way. Even though it was tough at times, I am grateful for the experience, it's been a really good 13 years.

I'm so happy for my parents and Arianna. They deserve all the luxuries in the world, including friends, a good church to attend (english services! yay!), an indoor toilet (nope we don't have an indoor loo at this point!), and a stress free, relaxing life. I really pray that their life and future back in the states will be blessed beyond measure. I pray they succeed in every way and most of all I wish them happiness!

The family (minus my oldest sister who couldn't make it!) plus my sister-in-law (far right in blue) at our wedding in August 2011. 

This is such a huge change. For me, for all of us. I never thought we'd be so far apart. I can't imagine how I'll feel when they are gone. A part of my heart will be missing. But for now, I'm going to dwell in the moment, focus on today, and take it one step at a time! I need to make some memories. Before I know it, they'll be gone.

Arielle